To get a job, do I have to take off my clothes?


This should seem like a dumb question to most of us, but lets face it, when asked to do things like, show our facebook page to prospective employers, it kind of feels like that. Now I am savvy enough to know not to have anything provocative on my FB, and I have friends who are vocal enough to call me out if my content is out of line, to whom I give thanks for their support. That does not mean I want them to know.

If I am married and have kids
The state of my social economic life
What I look like in a bathing suit

Sleeping Beauty
"A little privacy here, I am a lady!"

My private eating habits (I like smelly fish and ethnic foods, all “loud, strong, and smelly”, but I don’t eat them on the job because they ‘offend’ folks).
My political views which I share with friends and family but don’t share with my professional contacts IN PERSON. Should they find out about it by sniffing about, thats THEIR problem, and their blame and they can not accuse me of “bring it on the job”.

Basically its looking for what I can be guilty of, before I do anything.

In case we have forgotten folks, in this country, we are INNOCENT until proven guilty. What we need to do is re-establish communications, learn who your neighbors are and hire people you know and get recommended. If the person is a total unknown to you and makes you nervous, ask them for their references. Then follow your gut. THAT is still legit.

Forget the sneaks and use the speaking. You would not ask someone to show their underwear for a job interview would you? So let people keep their dignity, and show their best. Expect they will keep that best behavior to their professional expectations and go from there. If they do show up in their underwear, ok, then you have a reason to ask for their FB page, other wise, lay off…

BTW I see this as a very local form of Social Justice, the kind where you stand up for yourself, and your neighbor.

Nancy Louise

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Once The Egg is Cracked…


Brood-Hen
Mom and her eggs
“Once the egg is cracked, you can never go back, because the yoke goes black, and the chick lays flat.” I have no idea where I picked that up from. But it basically says, dead is as dead does. It also pretty much says what a lot of professional feel that once our own eggs (mental) is cracked, you are dealing with damaged goods and well its pretty much trying to contain the damaged till most people die an early death. Ugh, a few, a very few few, will succeed beyond wildest dreams to go beyond those expectations and beat all the odds. I am determined to be one of them or die trying. I mean if I have to die, I may as well die trying to live, right?

I know a number of mental health specialist. It is rather common for someone like me who both works with those who have mental health issues in my line of work (ministry) and who deals with such things herself personally. For those of you who might be slightly less educated about this, mental illness does NOT mean someone is wacko thank you very much. It can mean anything from a temporary mild case of disrupting depression or anger issues to horror problems of schizophrenia where they are never going to be able to care for themselves alone. As for who is wacko, that usually a media or personal judgmental sticky which is inappropriate and never accurate. There is also another misperception, that someone who is mentally ill must of done something to get that way. Oh really? I supposed if eggs had a thought they would chose to rot? The fact that so many with mental illness desire to die, not because they want to be dead, but because they want to leave the pain, should be a clue. The human being prerogative is to above all things, survive. When that is disrupted, something is seriously wrong. So what can cause such a disruption? Frankly I think there are primarily three major causes. I do not speak from a Ph. D. just from personal experience and observation.

Environmental Factors (Abuse being the primary one)

Physical exposures to certain viral infections (which then infect the brain)

Family Genes / History (Hard to separate the two sometimes).

Did you know that showing your Son photos of naked ladies (the Pornographic kind) before he is 18 is considered sexual abuse? Yep it is. [A parent who exposes a child to intercourse or deviant sexual behaviors or pornographic materials is abusing that child. New York State law now clarifies that such abuse is a crime.] Exceptions would be, unless he brought it to YOU to ask questions. Bringing him in to look at your stash however, is big no no. If this was a tradition that your Father did with you to discuss the birds and the bees, you are then combining a family history with environmental factors. A tradition that is actually abusive. On the surface it might seem harmless and male bonding. One can do the same thing at a museum too with out going pornographic and exposing him to degrading images. Things that could trigger problems down the road. Such actions might also signal a sign of deeper issues in the family one might not even be aware of, just the simple fact there is pornographic material in the house signals that.

I want to go a bit deeper here than simple pornography. What about sexual abuse that happens before the child is the age of 5? It does not matter if there was no physical contact, if it only happened once, or if the person who had it happened to them understood it was not their fault and figures they have moved on. The impact, dang nab it, is still life long and disruptive for life.  I was raped repeatedly starting at age 4. Now at that age, due to my undiscovered deafness and delayed speech, I was unable to tell anyone, anything. I literally had no vocabulary to say anything. I do however remember having a torn pee pee, and Mom rushingly bathing me one time and being angry about it. (I was 5 at that particular memory). Growing up I kept wondering if I was a virgin or not. Oh I did so want to be and yes as I learned more English a lot of the memories I had of my early years did get packed away. Interestedly though, I keep the ability to think without words fresh. I found it stimulating as an artist and writer to do so. It was another language for me and gave me insights for my creative self. Much talk or dismissal has been mention about such repressive and recovered memories. Just how validated are they?

For me, the validation is ironically in my own mental illnesses, my disruptive habits, and unhealthy body. All footprints left that festered from decades ago on a very young mind-body.  If there is an interest, I will write more about this.

Nancy Louise

Grow where you are planted
Grow where you are planted

Brood-Hen
Mom and her eggs

I know a number of mental health specialist. It is rather common for someone like me who both works with those who have mental health issues in my line of work (ministry) and who deals with such things herself personally. For those of you who might be slightly less educated about this, mental illness does NOT mean someone is wacko thank you very much. It can mean anything from a temporary mild case of disrupting depression or anger issues to sever problems of schizophrenia where they are never going to be able to care for themselves alone. As for who is wacko, that usually a media or personal judgmental lable which is inappropriate and never accurate. There is also another misperception, that someone who is mentally ill must of done something to get that way. Oh really? I supposed if eggs had a thought they would chose to rot? The fact that so many with mental illness desire to die, not because they want to be dead, but because they want to leave the pain, should be a clue. The human being prerogative is to above all things, survive. When that is disrupted, something is seriously wrong. So what can cause such a disruption? Frankly I think there are primarily three major causes. I do not speak from a Ph. D. just from personal experience and observation.

Environmental Factors (Abuse being the primary one)

Physical exposures to certain viral infections (which then infect the brain)

Family Genes / History (Hard to separate the two sometimes).

Did you know that showing your Son photos of naked ladies (the Pornographic kind) before he is 18 is considered sexual abuse? Yep it is. [A parent who exposes a child to intercourse or deviant sexual behaviors or pornographic materials is abusing that child. New York State law now clarifies that such abuse is a crime.] Exceptions would be, unless he brought it to YOU to ask questions. Bringing him in to look at your stash however, is big no no. If this was a tradition that your Father did with you to discuss the birds and the bees, you are then combining a family history with environmental factors. A tradition that is actually abusive. On the surface it might seem harmless and male bonding. One can do the same thing at a museum too with out going pornographic and exposing him to degrading images. Things that could trigger problems down the road. Such actions might also signal a sign of deeper issues in the family one might not even be aware of, just the simple fact there is pornographic material in the house signals that.

I want to go a bit deeper here than simple pornography. What about sexual abuse that happens before the child is the age of 5? It does not matter if there was no physical contact, if it only happened once, or if the person who had it happened to them understood it was not their fault and figures they have moved on. The impact, dang nab it, is still life long and disruptive for life.  I was raped repeatedly starting at age 4. Now at that age, due to my undiscovered deafness and delayed speech, I was unable to tell anyone anything. I literally had no vocabulary to say anything. I do however remember having a torn pee pee, and Mom rushingly bathing me one time and being angry about it. (I was 5 at that particular memory). Growing up I kept wondering if I was a virgin or not. Oh I did so want to be and yes as I learned more English a lot of the memories I had of my early years did get packed away. Interestedly though, I keep the ability to think without words fresh. I found it stimulating as an artist and writer to do so. It was another language for me and gave me insights for my creative self. Much talk or dismissal has been mention about such repressive and recovered memories. Just how validated are they?

For me, the validation is ironically in my own mental illnesses, my disruptive habits, and unhealthy body. All footprints left that festered from decades ago on a very young mind-body.  If there is an interest, I will write more about this.

Nancy Louise

Grow where you are planted
Grow where you are planted

Oh, dash it, I hit sent! OMG!!! <<Ever happen to you, humm?

All wrapped up.

All wrapped up.
Tie a red bow around the old palm tree...

OK that was NOT my reaction with what I did. In fact it did not hit my mental wall till 24 hours later or so. I have to admit, maybe with a wee bit of snobbishness that in the many years I have been on the web (Remember AOL hostess? Ya I did that!) I have never regretted anything I posted. And then number of letters sent, humm well I can at least say the count down to still two hands. pretty good cuz I write dozens a day. But, posting, sigh…. I actually did post something I regret. I posted a man buck naked in santa hat and black boots hang out in the Castro. Nope not drunk, just showing off, perfectly legal, naked as a Jay Bird Naked. I laughed and like the others, snapped one “good” photo of him, meaning not blurry. I photoshopped a shinny bow I photo graphed also from a palm tree (at least I had the sense to do that). And gave him a christmas bow bikini. Now I am Hanging my head. My oldest, Mom, just delete it… I told my son, honey, once its out there, that’s it, its out there. There is no real “delete”.

So what the heck did I do? My dear lady friend Elizabeth Phalen first brought this to my sharp attention when she said “I’m offended. So should you be.” Like me, she is a devote Catholic, unlike me she was brought up that way. She also brought up the fact I am a religious education teacher. I kept coming back to her comment on and off this Merry Day and thought, hummm Why did I post that, really?

I wanted to show I could be just as Blase San Francisco as everyone else?
Hey I am ‘Hip” to it, its legal so what!
He’s not hurting anybody…

In my very weak defense I was coming down off of nebulizer and on preiszone after a bad asthma attack and a small fire in my apartment that started all this, (from a dryer not a tree). I blame that in part for my lost of good judgement. I digress…

Anyway, my friend Elizabeth said “I’m offended. So should you be.” The fact was, my first gut reaction WAS offended. Then I thought, hey, you are a grown woman, snap out of it. (Actually I did not see any smiles in the crowd of mostly Gay men either). Have we gone too far in trying NOT to be offended when perhaps there are somethings we should say. Whoa, wait, THIS is offensive. I am not ashamed of the human body, I think it can be a glorious beautiful gift from God to behold. I am an artist, who has done hours of life drawings of people from all walks of life in all shapes and manners. So it was NOT his naked body that offended me, it was his attitude, “Yes, I am flashing my flesh, ha ha you saw me, tah tah, look at me, you saw this didn’t you, haha!” THAT was what I found offensive. He was being provocative on purpose. I doubt he would have said he saw it that way, but that was how I read his movements and poses. By posting his photo I basically enabled him to spread his dis-ease. That was where I really went over the line. I lost my judgement there. I was trying to be funny because IT IS in someways “Classic San Francisco”. But only in the tawdry low way.

The next day we had to go back to the Walgreen Pharmacy (the reason we were there in the area on Christmas Eve in the first place, (although one of my favorite Japanese Restaurants are there too), was to get medication and I saw all around me, young children, families, grandmas, grandmas, and yes, many many Catholics. I thought, if that man showed up NOW, how would I have felt? I would have wanted to call the police, but wouldn’t because legally nothing could be done. I would be angry, because what he is doing is not a thing of beauty, but destruction, in his sickness I do not think he could understand why.

My sin was to participate in his sickness. My sin was to not stand up for the Light in Christ and say, no, this is wrong. He is not facing a person he loves, he is not being done for art, he is not simply in some other form of beauty, but a blatant form of perverted power to taunt and provoke. We all sometimes participate in these kinds of things. Might not be a naked person. It could be someone offering an offensive off colored joke, we let it slide. Don’t want to make waves right, don’t want to appear uptight? Or offensive comments about yours or another faith. Silence, hey no one wants to be known for being overly religious, especially at work. Maybe instead you could be known as a peacemaker. “Excuse me, can we please remember all minds and ideas of supreme beings or none, have to be respected in the work place?.” Offensive jokes about sex or body parts. “I doubt any woman here or men can really appreciate jokes that border on rape, bathroom sickness, I mean, seriously?”

We all say we want world peace, well, it begins in the home. Home does not mean where you only hang your hat at night. It means where you live at any one moment in your heart. So basically where are you right now? In that moment, is your “home” with those people. Be at home enough with them, to keep peace, make peace, be peace.

Merry Christmas and honestly, I do love you all in God.
Till later,
Nancy Louise